My Ex is a Douchebag
(Also posted at celebrateyourfreedom.com
I spent nearly ten years of my life with my ex-husband. And he made me absolutely miserable. He had the power to crush me with just his words. Sex was hell with him, because he enjoyed hurting me during the act. He destroyed my self-esteem, and made me insane. When I left him the final time in 2006, I had a mental breakdown. I was so messed up that I couldn’t even pack my clothes to leave; my mother packed them for me.
It’s been over three years now since I left him. I still have problems with anxiety and shyness, and I think part of my issues stem from my bipolar disorder, but I have noticed that I’m getting better. I’m becoming more confident and friendly. I laugh now. And I’m in love with my new husband.
I was driving the other day and I had an epiphany – I thought to myself, “My ex is a douchebag”. For a long time I mulled over the mean things he said to me and the bad things that he did – the rape, the adultery, etc., and felt anger towards him and pity for myself. I really don’t think about what he did anymore. I know what he did, but I don’t obsess over the details. I’ve come as close to forgiveness as I can. I’m not mad at him anymore, but I don’t think what he did was okay. I really think I’m over it now, because now I see that he is just a douchebag. I mean stupid. He said stupid things all the time, like Elvis died on stage. And then he’d argue about it and insult me for not agreeing with him. I got to the point where I just agreed with whatever he said just to shut him up, but inside I would question everything he said because he was a compulsive liar. I coped by spending hours on the computer playing so I could avoid him. I used to feel guilty about that, but now I realized that’s the only way I kept my sanity for so long living with a douchebag – a douchebag that was also mean.
I mean really, how stupid is that – to treat me bad and make me angry and depressed, when all he had to do was be nice to me and I would’ve loved him endlessly? Like my husband treats me now – he treats me like gold, I love him to no end, and I’m good to him. It’s not that hard. My ex had this stupid idea that if he were to be nice to me, I would walk all over him. I’m not like that. Too bad for him that he could never see it.
By realizing my ex is a douchebag, I’ve taken away his power. He can’t hurt me anymore, because he’s just a douchebag. None of the mean things he said matter anymore because he’s a douchebag.
If you need a visual – he is over 300 lbs, wears big glasses, doesn’t brush his teeth, smokes cigarettes, and doesn’t shower often. On top of that, he has poor social skills. For instance, he can’t pick up on social cues. He can’t tell when people are uncomfortable and want the conversation to end. He will keep on talking, often saying offensive or embarrassing things. And then he giggles at his own jokes. He hits on waitresses. He is currently unemployed. He complains about every job he has and ends up quitting. He cusses like a sailor and talks about inappropriate things to our son. He takes our son to Hooters. He says that he will hire a hooker for our son when our son turns 18, “to teach him how to please a woman.”
Yes, this guy is a real douchebag. And I worried about what he thought of me?
